Survival guide and what I’d do differently

Planning a long international flight with your toddler and feeling the anxiety already? I get it. We once took our almost two-year-old on a nine-hour transatlantic flight to Italy, and let me tell you, it tested every ounce of my parenting patience. But we survived, learned valuable lessons, and I’m sharing everything so your long-haul flight with a toddler goes smoother than ours did.

Why we took a toddler to Europe (and why you might too)

We were invited to a wedding in Florence. It was adults only, no exceptions. Our options were simple: skip the wedding or bring our son along with reinforcements. We chose option two, bringing my mom to watch him during the ceremony while my husband and I celebrated with friends.

The plan seemed brilliant. Attend the wedding that first weekend, then spend a glorious week exploring Tuscany together as a family. The only catch? Getting a toddler across the Atlantic Ocean.

If you’re considering international travel with young kids, don’t let fear hold you back. It’s absolutely doable and worth it. But preparation makes all the difference between a manageable flight and a nightmare at 35,000 feet.

The pre-flight disaster that set the tone

A few days before departure, I got an email that made my stomach drop. The airline had changed aircraft, and our premium economy seats no longer existed. We were being downgraded to regular economy with a lap child for nine hours.

I’d specifically booked premium economy for the extra space, knowing I’d be holding my toddler the entire flight. Now we’d be crammed into standard seats with even less room for him to wiggle, stretch or move.

I called the airline immediately, explaining our situation. Their only solution? Purchase a separate seat for my son at the last-minute inflated price. With just days until departure, that cost was astronomical. We decided to stick with the lap child arrangement and hope for the best.

Spoiler alert: It did not go well. More on that in a minute.

Flight day: The first few hours were amazing!

Boarding went surprisingly smoothly. My mom and I settled into bulkhead seats with my son (which the airline graciously moved us into when they saw our situation). And my husband sat a few rows behind us. The bulkhead seats were great since they offered extra room for my son to stand, stretch his legs and burn off energy. They were slightly more spacious than regular seats!

The first three hours were genuinely wonderful. My son was fascinated by the plane, excited about snacks, and entertained by the novelty of it all. He ate his meal, played with small toys I’d packed, and seemed content watching out the window.

I started to relax. Maybe this long-haul flight with a toddler wouldn’t be so bad after all!

Then hour three hit.

When everything fell apart (and what I learned)

The cabin lights dimmed for sleeping. The flight attendants finished their service. Most passengers settled in with eye masks and neck pillows.

And my son completely melted down.

He cried. He squirmed. He arched his back. Nothing I did calmed him, not snacks, not toys, not his favorite stuffed animal, not walking the aisles, not anything. The crying continued for what felt like hours but was probably closer to 45 minutes.

If you’ve been in this situation, you know the specific type of panic that sets in. You’re desperately trying to soothe your screaming child while simultaneously feeling like every passenger on the plane is glaring at you with pure hatred. The anxiety compounds on itself. Your stress makes your child more upset, which makes you more stressed, which makes them more upset.

I was mortified, exhausted, and completely overwhelmed.

Eventually, he cried himself to sleep from pure exhaustion. But the damage was done to my nerves, to my confidence and probably to the ears of everyone within a 10-row radius.

After we landed and I had time to process, I identified exactly what went wrong and what I’d do differently next time.

What I’d do differently: Three critical changes

1. Calm myself down first (then tend to my toddler)

This is probably the most important lesson I learned.

During that meltdown, my anxiety was through the roof. My heart was racing, my hands were shaking, and I was on the verge of tears myself. I’m certain my son could sense my stress, which only amplified his own distress. Toddlers are emotional sponges. They absorb and reflect our energy.

Here’s what I should have done. The moment I felt my own anxiety spiking, I should have handed my son to my mom or husband and taken five minutes in the bathroom. Splash cold water on my face, take deep breaths, remind myself that crying toddlers on airplanes are completely normal and we’d survive this.

Then I could have returned to my son with a calmer, more grounded presence.

For your flight: Identify your co-parent or travel companion (if possible) before takeoff and establish a tap-out system. If either of us starts to feel overwhelmed, we’ll switch without judgement. Taking care of yourself isn’t selfish. It’s necessary to effectively care for your child.

If you’re traveling solo with your toddler, build in mini-breaks when possible. Even standing in the galley area for two minutes while your child is strapped in can help reset your nervous system.

2. Buy your toddler their own seat (ALWAYS for long flights)

I know. It’s expensive. It feels wasteful when toddlers under two can fly free as lap children. But after nine hours of wrestling a squirming, crying child on my lap with no personal space, I will never make this mistake again.

Why a separate seat matters for long-haul flights

• Physical comfort: Nine hours holding a wiggling, 25-pound toddler is torture for both of you. They need space to move positions, lie down and stretch out.
• Sleep quality: With their own seat, you can create a makeshift bed using their car seat and blankets. They’ll actually sleep instead of dozing fitfully on you.
• Your sanity: Having your own seat means you can eat a meal, use the bathroom, or simply breathe without having a toddler on your lap.
• Safety: In turbulence, a secured child in their own seat is safer than an unsecured child. Read more from the FAA.

Money-saving tips: Book directly with airlines that allow children under two to fly free, and monitor prices to buy seats when fares drop. Consider budget airlines for international travel if their routes work. Sometimes the seat savings outweigh the lack of amenities.

Yes, it’s an added cost. But I’d rather spend money upfront than spend nine hours in misery (at the start of an exciting trip!) wishing I had.

3. Create and practice an in-flight bedtime routine

My son had no idea what was happening when the lights dimmed and everyone got quiet. His normal bedtime routine involves his room, his crib, his sound machine, and familiar books. On the plane, he had none of those cues.

No wonder he panicked!

Here’s what I should have done: In the weeks leading up to our flight, I should have created a portable bedtime routine and practiced it at home. This could include:

• A specific bedtime book we only read when it’s sleep time
• A small lovey or blanket that smells like home
• Familiar pajamas that signal time for sleep
• A quick, consistent routine: change into PJs, read a book, cuddle, sleep

By practicing this exact routine at home for a few weeks before the trip, my son would have recognized the cues even in an unfamiliar environment

For your flight: Pack bedtime essentials in your carry-on. About 30 minutes before you want your toddler to sleep, start the routine. Change them into pajamas (this alone is a powerful sleep signal). Read the familiar book. Create as much consistency with home as possible.

You could even play white noise softly on headphones or use a portable sound machine. The more familiar elements you include, the better.

Bonus tip: Download their favorite calming show or movie for backup. Sometimes familiar screen time is the bridge between “wide awake” and “ready to sleep.”

The good news: It gets easier!

Despite the mid-flight meltdown, we had an incredible trip to Italy. My son adapted beautifully to the time change, loved exploring Florence, and still talks about the “big airplane” he rode.

The flight home was significantly better because we’d learned our lessons. We were calmer, more prepared, and had realistic expectations. He still didn’t sleep great, but it wasn’t the disaster our first flight was.

Your long-haul flight survival checklist

Before You Book:

• Purchase a seat for toddlers over 12 months on flights longer than 5 hours
• Request or purchase bulkhead seats for maximum floor space
• Choose overnight flights when possible (better chance of sleep)
• Consider breaking up ultra-long flights with a layover

Pack in Your Carry-On:

• Portable bedtime routine items (special book, lovey, PJs)
• Tablet loaded with new shows/games (save as surprise)
• Small, novel toys wrapped individually (unwrapping can be entertainment!)
• Favorite snacks that take time to eat (like pouches, crackers or Cheerios)
• Change of clothes for toddler AND you
• Wipes (so many wipes)

During the Flight:

• Stay calm because your energy sets the tone
• Let them move and walk the aisles when safe
• Don’t save the good toys. If they work, bring them out early and often
• Accept that screen time rules don’t apply at 35,000 feet
• Tag-team with your partner when stress rises
• Remember: this is temporary, you’ll land eventually

Mindset Shifts:

• Lower your expectations!
• Other passengers have survived crying babies before
• You’re doing great even when it feels like you’re failing
• One rough flight doesn’t define your child or your parenting

You can absolutely do this

Taking a long-haul flight with a toddler ranks among the more challenging aspects of parenting, right up there with potty training and navigating public tantrums. But it’s also the gateway to incredible family adventures and memories you’ll treasure forever.

Our time in Tuscany included wandering through Florence’s cobblestone streets, eating gelato in many piazzas, and watching my son’s face light up at every church bell, was worth every difficult moment on that plane.

Will your flight be perfect? Probably not. Will you survive? Absolutely. Will your child remember any of it? Unlikely. Will you create amazing memories at your destination? Without a doubt.

So book that trip. Pack that carry-on. Take those deep breaths. You’ve got this!